Tears of Joy and Gratitude

It was Saturday, December 19 around 10 pm at night and I was lying on a large, pillow bedecked couch at the reception site crying. In the kitchen I could hear Christie and Tim talking but I couldn't understand what they were saying. Ron had been vacuuming for at least the third time--trying to pick up all the sparkly things on the floor. My feet hurt after wearing a brand new pair of shoes all day. But that is not why I was crying.

(Note to self: Do not wear a brand new pair of shoes when you have to do a lot of standing. And walking. And picture taking. Even if they are very cute. Break them in first.)

I was past the point of exhaustion. It had been a wonderful day! A splendid day! A day where a new family was joined together in a sacred temple of God. A day where we had plenty of sunshine instead of rain and fog. A day of sweet surprises where a cousin-in-law drove at least three hours each way to be with our family.

As I lay there on the sofa, wiping away the tears, I thought about Jennifer's life. I remember holding her in my arms for the first time and marveling at all her dark hair. I remember sending her off to Kindergarten for the first time. I remember high school graduation and leaving her in the dorms at college. I remember the happiness in her voice when she called to let me know that she met someone special. And now, today was her wedding day. And I cried.

I cried mainly tears of joy--joy that she was married in the temple and that she married a wonderful young man. But my tears were also just a little sad. She would no longer need me the way she once had. And that is right. And it is good. But, I would miss her.

I also cried tears of gratitude. I was grateful for my family supporting us this day--for taking time out of their busy lives to be with Jennifer and Jacob. For two sisters, two daughters, and a son-in-law who flew in from Utah. For parents who were dealing with plumbing problems and computer crashing problems, and other pesky problems and yet still came. For two nieces who left young families to take photographs at the temple. For a brother who stepped in at the last moment to take the pictures at the reception. For an absolutely wonderful sister-in-law who was dealing with the death of her mother-in-law and yet still found time to do the wedding flowers. For family members who were stressed and crazy with Christmas preparations and yet still were there. How could I thank them? How could I express my gratitude?

I cried additional tears of gratitude for wonderful friends. Friends who love me and worked together to create a memorable experience. I know that some lost sleep. I know that they worked tirelessly. I know they could have been working on their own Christmas preparations or spending time with their own families. Yet, they prepared food and made the wedding cake. They served food and cut the wedding cake. They helped set up and clean up and stepped in with a listening ear and plenty of hugs when I just didn't know if I could pull it off. And so, I cried.

It's been just over three weeks and I think my body, my mind, and my spirit are returning to normal. I'm thinking a little more clearly. I'm feeling a little more rested. But, my feelings of gratitude have persisted.

Dear Family. Dear Friends. Thank you from the bottom of my heart! Yes, I cried that December 19, but they were tears of joy and gratitude for having you a part of my life.

Ron

Once upon a time there was a young girl who had just completed her third semester of college. She had been dating one young man steadily and then one evening, he never showed up for their date. No phone call, no explanation, no nothing. When she saw him at church the following Sunday, she asked him what happened and he hemmed and hawed and didn't make any sense. She wasn't terribly thick-headed so she knew that this relationship was over.

During the two week Christmas break, she nursed her semi-broken heart. The entire trip back to Utah she thought about the upcoming semester and planned how she would stay so busy that she would forget her "old boyfriend."

The first Friday night back, she was talking to her friend and roommate during a late night gab session. "Melinda," she said in a semi-serious voice, "I need to find a man!" They decided to attend the Saturday night Wilkinson Center dance. One of their Family Home Evening "brothers" also wanted to attend the dance so the three of them went together. They were having a good time and then this young girl saw "him." He stood out from all the rest of the young men and she hoped that he would ask her to dance. Less than a minute passed before he approached her, asked if she would like to dance and of course she said, "yes." They spent the rest of the evening together, laughing and talking. She couldn't remember ever having so much fun and feeling so comfortable with someone so quickly. He took her home, asked for her phone number and made plans for a date a few nights later.

This is how I met Ron. For my second item on my "virtual gratitude poster" I would write in large letters, Ron!

I am so grateful for his love and support. He is a wonderful husband, loving father, great provider, and terrific companion. I am so grateful that my roommate supported me in my quest to "find a man" and that we met that wonderful January evening. He has brought me great joy and happiness.

And now will you indulge me when I ask him out on a date?

Deeeeeear Ron,

How would you like to go to brunch with me Saturday morning to Mimi's Cafe? They have delicious omlettes and tasty muffins. I know it will be very, very fun!

Loooooooove,
Loralee

I Feel My Savior's Love

One activity that our family enjoys each November is coming up with a list of our blessings. I usually have a small poster board taped to a kitchen wall and throughout the month, we list things that we are grateful for. This month, most of my blog posts will be an virtual poster board as I share the things I am grateful for.

This past year I have come to appreciate, love, and know my Savior, Jesus Christ in a greater, deeper way. As I have studied the Atonement, I realize that as He suffered in the Garden of Gethsemane, that He not only took on the sins of all mankind, but also our sorrows, sicknesses, and tribulations as well. When I am hurting or sick, He knows what I'm feeling and that thought brings me great comfort. Perhaps no one else knows exactly what I am going through--but my Savior does.


I also know that He knows the end from the beginning. He knows what experiences we need to reach our full potential. Sometimes these experiences are challenging and we would prefer not to go through them. But, when we look back, many times we can see how much we have grown.

Today I was reading the Church News. President Eyring recently spoke about this principle as he spoke to 77 stake in Northern Utah.

"Jesus Christ reigns in the affairs of men, even though many or most people fail to recognize His hand. He does not give an assurance of all that we might want, but we have a sure way to gain His assistance even in the worst of times. The kingdom of God in the earth is His Restored Church."

He then advised members to put the kingdom of God first in their lives and trust in the Lord for the rest, and that if they do so they will have the Lord's help while confronting life's inevitable difficulties.

I know that this is true. How grateful I am for the love of our Savior. How grateful I am for His tender mercies in my family's lives. I am grateful to be a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. I hope that I can become more like Him.

Long Distance Wedding Planning

Jennifer trying on wedding dresses. This is NOT the dress.

This evening Jennifer, Ron and I chatted on the phone. She is getting married in less than three months. We are trying to plan the details of her special day but it is complicated. Her fiance lives in Arizona. Jennifer lives in Utah. We live in California.

We caught up on her life and then began the series of questions that would help us know what had been accomplished recently. She shared her news, I shared ours. I then pulled out the wedding checklist and told her the "good news." We had accomplished nearly everything that should be done till that point in time. Then I shared the "not so good" news. She had a lot more tasks to complete in the next couple of weeks.

Karen helping Jennifer look for wedding dresses.

It's been frustrating to not be with her--helping her shop, choosing specific colors, helping with all the details. I am so grateful for wonderful sisters who have stepped in and been the surrogate moms as she looked for wedding dresses. I am grateful for her sisters who have offered her their love and support. I am grateful to her friends who run her around town since she doesn't have a car. I am grateful for my friends who have offered their assistance to help make this day memorable for one of my sweet daughters.

I know all the long distance planning will come together and I cannot wait to be there as Jacob and Jennifer are sealed for time and all eternity. This will be one of those "red letter days" that all mothers dream about for their children.

When You Least Expect It

For nearly a year, our family has been experiencing stress. Last October 2008, rumors began circulating at my husband's place of employment about pending job cuts. Ron was told that about eight jobs at his level would be eliminated. We began fasting, praying, and attending the temple, pleading to our Heavenly Father that he would be safe. We also cut back on our expenses, built up our savings and food storage and looked at each purchase very carefully. We asked, "Is this a need or a want?" If it was a need, we would get it. If it was a want, we didn't. Last Christmas there was very little under the tree compared to previous years. We could not justify spending money we might need to live on later.

Ron began searching for a new job "just in case." He had his first interview in January. The next day, one of his bosses called him into his office and told him that he knew he was concerned. "It's not you," he was told. We rejoiced. We went out to dinner for the first time in months and our prayers became ones of gratitude.

Less than six weeks later, Ron was told a different story. His job would be eliminated the end of June. There would be no severance. He could choose to be put on paid administrative leave with benefits so he could begin looking full time. He took them up on that and beginning in April, Ron only went into work once a week. Unemployment in our part of the country stood close to 15%. It was not pretty.

I had many sleepless nights. I would lay awake worrying. We turned increasingly to Heavenly Father--pleading for His help. Our daughter, Emily began praying that her dad would have a job by June 30. We fasted frequently and went to the temple nearly every week. As I began spending more time searching the scriptures and earnestly praying, my faith slowly increased. I began to pray with greater conviction, "thy will be done. I know thou knows our needs. Please help me feel of thy love." I always did.

For Mother's Day this year, Christie gave me Hilary Weeks CD, If I Only Had Today. As I listened to her music over and over in the car, one song in particular brought me hope. I had Ron and Emily listen to the lyrics and said, "This will be our song someday!"

Let me share with you part of the lyrics. The song is called, "When You Least Expect It."

I've quit counting the hours I've prayed for answers,
But I can't help wondering how long I will have to wait.
And why is Heaven silent while I'm running out of words
I keep on knocking but nobody hears me standing at the door.

Then through the shadows
Beyond the doubt
Heaven sends the answer.
I can't believe it
But I can feel it
Deep inside of my heart.

And that's when it happens
When you least expect it
And you know God has heard every prayer.
That's when it happens
Love breaks through the darkness
And Heaven surprised you
When you least expect it.

That's what happened to us. After two months of true unemployment, a surprising job offer came. Ron had interviewed with a college in July. He was told he was not a finalist the beginning of August. The job was nearly forgotten and then the end of August I received a phone call from the office of the college president. He wanted to interview Ron later that week. The interview went well but Ron was concerned that he had not answered a couple of the questions as well as he could have. Soon after returning home, he e-mailed the college president a thank you note and clarified a couple of his answers. Less than 15 minutes after sending off that e-mail, the college president called and offered him the job. Ron started the following week. Truly, Heavenly Father has heard EVERY one of our prayers. He has heard the prayers of our extended family and friends as well. We know that this is our miracle and we are very, very grateful.