"I Need to Find a Man!"

Last night at the end of family home evening, the subject of weddings came up. Emily had received a coral rose Saturday night. I commented on its lovely color and she told me that coral was one of her hoped for wedding colors. The other one is turquoise. I mentioned that those colors might not be popular when she gets married and that it might be difficult to find dresses for her bridesmaids and MY dress. (Clearly, the most important one.) She shrugged her shoulders and said,

"Christie chose navy blue for her August wedding. That wasn't an easy color to find either."

Thanks Christie for setting a precedent.

Then, taking some pity on me, Emily said, "Don't worry, Mother." (Why does she ALWAYS call me mother?) "I'll wait for those colors to become fashionable and then I'll find myself a man."

I was shocked. It was like I was listening to myself speak many years ago.

(Fade to the ancient past.....)

When I was finishing my 1st semester at BYU, I was unexpectedly dumped by a young man. I thought everything was going swimmingly. He had taken me to meet his family for Thanksgiving. We had not had one argument. I wasn't in love with him by any means, but I was enjoying getting to know him. Then one night, he didn't show up for our date. I waited.

And waited.

And waited.

Finally, in great confusion, I went to bed. What had just happened?

The next morning, I spoke to Sacrament meeting. Said young man (who shall remain nameless) was sitting on the front row. That was awkward! He listened attentively to my message. He smiled during the funny parts and looked thoughtful during the serious parts. What was going on?

I mustered up all my courage and asked if we could go on a walk. Later that afternoon as we walked the frigid streets of Provo, he told me that I hadn't done anything wrong, but he was interested in dating others. What can you say to that?

I somehow got through finals and went home for Christmas vacation, nursing my semi-broken heart.

After arriving back in Provo a couple of weeks later, I was talking to my best friend and roommate Melinda.

"Melinda, I need to find a man!"

We made plans to attend the dance the next evening in the Wilkinson Center. A nice young man named Jerry (he CAN be named) gave us a ride. Soon after arriving, I met Ron and we danced the rest of the evening. Ron took me home and our first date occurred a couple of nights later.

So, when Emily said, "Mom, I'll wait for turquoise and coral to become fashionable and then I'll find a man" it was the weirdest experience. It brought back memories of college days, great roommates, and meeting a wonderful man.

All I can say is that I hope turquoise and coral are not in fashion for at least 5 years.

Wedding Day Blues

Once a month I volunteer in the Oakland Temple. Yesterday, I had that privlege. One of my assignments was to stand near the front desk and greet the patrons. When you are assigned the front desk area, you also make sure those doing baptisms or receiving their endowments, or getting married are shown the correct area to go.

About 9:00 am, a young man showed up. The man at the desk found out he was getting married that day. He was getting married at noon. He was slightly early. His fiancee was not with him.

I escorted him to the room so they could complete the paperwork and make sure his wedding license was in order. No one was in that office and when I went to track someone down, they suggested that he wait in the cafeteria because it was so early.

I went back and suggested he might want to get something to eat. He wasn't interested in eating. He was interested in getting married. He looked so nervous that my heart went out to him. I tried to calm him down by visiting with him a few minutes. He told me that his fiancee had already recieved her endowment in the Sacramento temple. He told me that they were arriving early to get their pictures done before the sealing. He was also very distressed because it was so foggy that he was worried that the pictures would not turn out. I told him I got married in February and it was a very overcast day, but sometimes those are the pictures that turn out the best. I don't think I reassured him. As we continued to visit, he received a text. His soon-to-be wife was running late.

I felt so bad for him. Here he was--all alone in the temple with some strange lady for temporary company. He began pacing the room and then decided to wait in the large foyer off the entrance. As I waited near the front desk, I could see him texting. I'm assuming it was to his bride. Soon, it was time for me to go to my next assignment. Yet, I kept thinking about him the rest of the morning.

When I finished my shift, I met my mom and she told me that she had heard that the bride had never arrived. I felt sick. I kept seeing this very young man with worried brown eyes, pacing the floor. My mom told me all the wedding guests were waiting for the noon wedding--which was only a few minutes away. She actually knew the groom's grandmother and she went to find her and visit for a few minutes.

When I met my mom again several minutes later, I received a wedding update. Actually the rumors about the bride not showing up were inaccurate. She had arrived after becoming hopelessly lost driving to the temple and had ended up in San Fransisco. Her groom became worried when she kept calling and saying she couldn't find the temple. He finally left to find her. Unfortunately, he was involved in a traffic accident. He was fine, but his car was totaled.

I could not believe what I was hearing. I've heard of things going wrong on a wedding day, but never to this extreme. As my Mom, Jack, and I left the temple, there was the waiting room full of guests. There was the bride and her bridesmaids standing outside the temple with the photographer getting a few pictures taken before the groom showed up. I wondered if the wedding EVER happened that day. Well today, I got the rest of the story.....

Today, I went back to the Oakland Temple with our ward's youth group who were doing baptisms. While I was there, I ran into one of the assistant matrons who recognized me as a temple worker. She mentioned in passing the wedding they had on Friday. I expressed interest and let her know I had met the groom and wondered what had happened. This is what she told me.

"Once the groom was in the car accident, his father went to get him. His car is a total loss, but fortunately he was OK. After a three hour delay, they were finally married and then his father drove the new couple up to the Sacramento area for the reception. I hope they got there in time!"

I was happy to hear that they finally were married. Whenever they move into a new ward and are asked to give a talk and "tell a little about themselves" they will have quite the story to tell. And when their future children ask about their wedding day, hopefully they will be able to laugh about it and say, "Well, there's this song from My Fair Lady that starts out,

I'm getting married in the morning.

Ding dong the bells are going to chime!

Throw out the stopper

Let's have a whopper!

But get me to the church on time!"

Tears of Joy and Gratitude

It was Saturday, December 19 around 10 pm at night and I was lying on a large, pillow bedecked couch at the reception site crying. In the kitchen I could hear Christie and Tim talking but I couldn't understand what they were saying. Ron had been vacuuming for at least the third time--trying to pick up all the sparkly things on the floor. My feet hurt after wearing a brand new pair of shoes all day. But that is not why I was crying.

(Note to self: Do not wear a brand new pair of shoes when you have to do a lot of standing. And walking. And picture taking. Even if they are very cute. Break them in first.)

I was past the point of exhaustion. It had been a wonderful day! A splendid day! A day where a new family was joined together in a sacred temple of God. A day where we had plenty of sunshine instead of rain and fog. A day of sweet surprises where a cousin-in-law drove at least three hours each way to be with our family.

As I lay there on the sofa, wiping away the tears, I thought about Jennifer's life. I remember holding her in my arms for the first time and marveling at all her dark hair. I remember sending her off to Kindergarten for the first time. I remember high school graduation and leaving her in the dorms at college. I remember the happiness in her voice when she called to let me know that she met someone special. And now, today was her wedding day. And I cried.

I cried mainly tears of joy--joy that she was married in the temple and that she married a wonderful young man. But my tears were also just a little sad. She would no longer need me the way she once had. And that is right. And it is good. But, I would miss her.

I also cried tears of gratitude. I was grateful for my family supporting us this day--for taking time out of their busy lives to be with Jennifer and Jacob. For two sisters, two daughters, and a son-in-law who flew in from Utah. For parents who were dealing with plumbing problems and computer crashing problems, and other pesky problems and yet still came. For two nieces who left young families to take photographs at the temple. For a brother who stepped in at the last moment to take the pictures at the reception. For an absolutely wonderful sister-in-law who was dealing with the death of her mother-in-law and yet still found time to do the wedding flowers. For family members who were stressed and crazy with Christmas preparations and yet still were there. How could I thank them? How could I express my gratitude?

I cried additional tears of gratitude for wonderful friends. Friends who love me and worked together to create a memorable experience. I know that some lost sleep. I know that they worked tirelessly. I know they could have been working on their own Christmas preparations or spending time with their own families. Yet, they prepared food and made the wedding cake. They served food and cut the wedding cake. They helped set up and clean up and stepped in with a listening ear and plenty of hugs when I just didn't know if I could pull it off. And so, I cried.

It's been just over three weeks and I think my body, my mind, and my spirit are returning to normal. I'm thinking a little more clearly. I'm feeling a little more rested. But, my feelings of gratitude have persisted.

Dear Family. Dear Friends. Thank you from the bottom of my heart! Yes, I cried that December 19, but they were tears of joy and gratitude for having you a part of my life.

Long Distance Wedding Planning

Jennifer trying on wedding dresses. This is NOT the dress.

This evening Jennifer, Ron and I chatted on the phone. She is getting married in less than three months. We are trying to plan the details of her special day but it is complicated. Her fiance lives in Arizona. Jennifer lives in Utah. We live in California.

We caught up on her life and then began the series of questions that would help us know what had been accomplished recently. She shared her news, I shared ours. I then pulled out the wedding checklist and told her the "good news." We had accomplished nearly everything that should be done till that point in time. Then I shared the "not so good" news. She had a lot more tasks to complete in the next couple of weeks.

Karen helping Jennifer look for wedding dresses.

It's been frustrating to not be with her--helping her shop, choosing specific colors, helping with all the details. I am so grateful for wonderful sisters who have stepped in and been the surrogate moms as she looked for wedding dresses. I am grateful for her sisters who have offered her their love and support. I am grateful to her friends who run her around town since she doesn't have a car. I am grateful for my friends who have offered their assistance to help make this day memorable for one of my sweet daughters.

I know all the long distance planning will come together and I cannot wait to be there as Jacob and Jennifer are sealed for time and all eternity. This will be one of those "red letter days" that all mothers dream about for their children.